I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
