she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
