Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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