i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
