so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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