ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
