I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
