"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
