I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
