i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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