why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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