Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
