I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
