I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
