When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
