i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
