Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
