I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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