im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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