No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
