If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
