Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
