i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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