there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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