you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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