Well apparently he's into motor boating.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
