$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
