Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize