So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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