Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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