it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
