Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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