he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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