I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
