just come out here and I will go home with you...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
