For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
