I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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