your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
