tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
