there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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