Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
