Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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