I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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