so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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