I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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