omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize