You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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