So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
