somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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