You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
