How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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