I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
