That's when you crack a 10am beer
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
