I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
