I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Drunk is a universal language darling
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
