You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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