i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
