Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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