i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
