i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
