I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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